It’s my sad duty to announce the end of operation “Get Hasan to the UK”, my quest to help get my Turkish husband a visa to live in England with me.
I have too much dignity to write about the details but suffice to say I have been betrayed in the cruelest possible way. A month ago I discovered that for the last year my marriage has been a lie and the more I hear, I fear that the last five years have been a sham. The focus and aims of the last eighteen months have been destroyed.
At first I was devastated and heartbroken, but now I feel so angry at him, at her and at myself for being foolish enough to trust him for so long.
What shocks me the most is that I didn’t see it coming because I have been so blinded by love and working hard to help him get here.
The reason for this post? certainly not to slag off Turkish men, there must be some good ones somewhere.
I wanted to share what has happened as so many of my merry band of followers have supported me throughout this quest with lovely comments.
The name of my blog “Back to life” has taken on a new meaning now, originally it was a journey of recovery from illness to the land of working and living. Now I have another journey to make, to rebuild my life and move on.
I have fantastic support from my family and friends, they have been invaluable throughout this first month when the hurt was unbearable. I’m sure with their continued love and care I will get through this.
I am ashamed to say this poor blog has been hopelessly neglected recently.
Work has got in the way of my writing and I just don’t seem to have the time. I have had plenty of ideas to write about but haven’t had any spare minutes to get them online.
But in just over a week I have some much needed time off from work and I’m going over to Turkey to see my lovely hubby.
My holiday romance with my husband continues, having read the small print on the UK Border Agency website I have discovered that I need 6 months payslips and the corresponding bank statements proving my income. So it’ll be another 4 months before Hasan can even apply for his visa, as I’ve only been earning above the required salary for the last 2 months.
There is good news though, Hasan passed his English exam so that’s another thing ticked off the list.
So I’m off to soak up some lovely sunshine, recharge my batteries and hopefully get to spend some time with Hasan, he has to work 12 hour days but may have some days off.
The other night I was watching the film “The Lake House”, I’ve watched the film many times because I love it. But this time after it finished I felt really quite sad because of the parallels, (loosely), in my relationship.
For those of you who don’t know the film it’s a fantasy romance where the 2 lead characters, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, are having a relationship but they are separated by time, 2 years. They communicate by letter via the post box at the Lake house where they both live, a bit confusing, eventually they do meet up in the same time zone and live happily ever after.
Obviously my hubby and I aren’t separated by time, we have the wonderful Skype to keep in contact and I can visit him when annual leave allows, but this living in different countries sucks. I never thought it would be this tough and it’s been made tougher by my HR department’s inability to get my pay right. As a result I don’t have a valid payslip yet with my correct salary shown for Hasan’s visa application. I sometimes wonder whether we’ll be together over here at all much before Christmas.
I’m sure some of you out there are thinking why don’t I just go back and live with Hasan in Turkey, I know sometimes I think maybe it would be easier. But now I’ve recovered from my illness I want to work, I want to resume my nursing career, a job I love and we need the money. To work in Turkey I would need a work permit, you can only get a work permit for jobs Turks can’t do, there are plenty of Turkish nurses so I wouldn’t get a permit to do that. I’m not interested in doing poorly paid illegal work, it’s not worth the risk of getting deported and I’m worth more than that.
I can’t face another boring winter with nothing to do and sometimes not enough money to heat the house because there is no work for Hasan. I can’t cope again with not seeing him in the summer when he does seasonal work from 8 in the morning till midnight or sometimes later. In order to have a comfortable life in Turkey you need to have money in the bank or get used to living hand to mouth like a student. I’ve already done that when I was actually a student and have no desire to live like that again.
Also I want Hasan to experience where I come from and my culture. I want him to meet the rest of my family and all my friends. I want him to get a British passport so that he can travel more freely without having to get a visa. At the moment there’s not many places he can go without a visa, however there are plenty of war torn countries we could holiday in, I hear Syria is lovely this time of year!
I don’t think it’s too much to ask to share my life in my country for a while with the man I love.
But getting back to the film there is a scene where Keanu and Sandra meet at a party and dance to a Paul McCartney song. The song is just beautiful and the lyrics make me weep just a little bit.
Now Keanu and Sandra may not be your cup of tea but I have a soft spot for them, you could always just shut your eyes and listen to the music.
Now that I’ve done the Return to Nurse practice course and got the job in the bag it’s time to get on with the next challenge, operation ‘Get Hasan to the UK’.
I fear my quest to bring my hubby to live with me could be a bigger job than getting back to work. There seems to be so much red tape and hoops to jump through to prove that we are a proper married couple.
My first task is to nurse my bank account back to health, after 7 years of starvation it desperately needs to put on some weight. Then I need to get all the paperwork and evidence together up together to satisfy the UK Border Agency that we didn’t just marry so that Hasan could get a visa and that we can live without relying on benefits.
The key to a good application is the letter of invitation and support from me. So I have done a fair bit of research into writing an effective letter, but if anyone out there has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated.
I think it’ll probably take at least 2 to 3 months to build up a decent bank balance, then we can submit his application. I just hope the process won’t be too long winded and expensive.
I just want Hasan with me here, at the moment I feel like I’m having a holiday romance with my husband.
Carole Gardiner
back to life 